


little pearl you think you're in gold, but I can see the dirt in your lines

by vhscore



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Author Projects On Favorite Character, Autistic Caleb Widogast, Autistic Jester Lavorre, Character Study, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Not Beta Read, i may turn this into a longer thing but for now.. have it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24029503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vhscore/pseuds/vhscore
Summary: Jester notices things.(A self indulgent character study on Jester)
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Jester Lavorre, Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett, Jester Lavorre & Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre & Mollymauk Tealeaf, Jester Lavorre & Nott, Jester Lavorre & The Mighty Nein, Jester Lavorre & Yasha
Comments: 1
Kudos: 88





	little pearl you think you're in gold, but I can see the dirt in your lines

**Author's Note:**

> Commissions: https://www.deviantart.com/dbawsol/journal/Writing-Commissions-OPEN-840677413  
> [Title is from Alrighty Aphrodite by Peach Pit]
> 
> CONTENT WARNINGS: This is partly a vent piece, partly something I've been meaning to write for a bit, partly something to distract myself. READ THE TAGS! If you go to the end, I'll add explanations of triggers and where they come up. Stay safe!

Jester notices things, things about Molly.

The way his tail curves upward while flirting, the way he smiles when they flirt back. She notices how pleased he looks in the morning. The others call it “afterglow”, except he’s not glowing, so she doesn’t get it. Fjord snorts and tells her she’ll get it when she’s older, except she  _ is _ older, but she still doesn’t get it. 

(Caleb pulls her to the side and explains what the phrase means. She can pick it out a lot better after that.)

She notices things about Fjord.

He treats her like a kid, a younger sister, maybe a daughter? She doesn’t like it. He’s big and strong and a prince, she’s the princess that’s been stuck in the tower all sixteen years of her life, he should swoop in and save her! And he  _ did _ save her. He’s perfect for her! Buff, strong, knightly. Her own knight in shining armor! She just wants what her mother has, a million men begging her to bed them. She doesn’t understand why this is any different.

(Mollymauk explains this one to her- he’s over twenty years old, which is much too old for her, she’s far too young for anyone. She doesn’t get it after that, that was never a barrier for other men, and Molly looks at her with sympathy and empathy and gives her a kiss on her forehead and tells her that if she’s comfortable with it, to tell him more. 

Of course she’s comfortable with it, so of course she tells him more. At the end of the night, they’re the only ones left in the tavern, and she’s sobbing into his shirt collar. She apologizes to Fjord the next morning. He hugs her and tells her it’s okay.)

She notices things about Yasha.

Jester brings flowers to Yasha, she knows that the barbarian’s journal is filled with pressed flowers from every place they visit. Unfortunately, Yasha’s gone a lot, but Jester always makes sure to save flowers for her. One night, when the two are taking watch together, Jester asks how to press flowers, because whenever she grabs some flowers to save for the aasimar, they always end up wilting (Yasha saves them anyways, of course). Yasha, teary-eyed, guides her through the process.

(Jester asks Beau why Yasha saves the flowers. Beau just smiles and tells the girl that they’re being saved as a gift for when Yasha returns to someone. Jester says she hopes that Yasha can visit this person soon. Beau smiles and agrees.)

She notices things about Nott.

The short woman is filled to the brim with stories about her husband, her kids, when she was a child. She especially loves to tell stories from when she was younger, but whenever Jester opens her mouth to tell a story, she can’t think of any. At first she was confused, but figured that goblins must have a great memory. When the others started telling stories from their own childhoods, Jester felt left out. Of course, she made things up to fit in, hoping and praying to the Traveller that they wouldn’t see that these are all fake and made up.

(Of course, Caduceus takes first watch with her the night after, and tells her that he knew her stories were fake. Before she could defend herself, he adds on that it’s okay if she doesn’t remember anything about her childhood, or if she just doesn’t have any good stories to tell. He doesn’t remember anything before he was the equivalent of twelve years old in a tiefling’s life, and the entirety of his teenage years are incredibly spotty. He’s only had perfect memory since his family left, but now and then time slips on him. 

He ends the conversation with a hug and wiping away Jester’s tears as she explains that she can remember very little since before the age of eleven.)

She notices things about Caleb.

He hates eye contact, will never hold it for more than a second. When there’s a lot happening around him, he’ll bury his face in Frumpkin, or cast a spell which blocks out all the noise around him, or just straight up leave. Jester will sometimes follow him, and he’s started seeking her out during an episode like this. She’ll tell him a story the Traveller told her, and he’ll repeat all the lines of the story that she says. Sometimes she’ll show him some new drawings. Sometimes she’ll tell everyone else to fuck off and leave them alone.

(One day, she had to tell Fjord to go fuck himself when Caleb was having a particularly bad time and she pulled him up to her room. Once he felt better, she went and apologized to him, and he said that it was fine as long as she explained what happened. She let him know that sometimes things are a lot and that he needs some alone time, and she goes with him to help out. Her momma used to tell her stories to distract her from bad noises and tastes and textures sometimes, so she does the same for Caleb. Fjord gives her a forehead kiss and tells her that she’s a nice girl. She giggles and wears that title like a badge.)

She notices things about Caduceus.

He doesn’t like to show that he’s running out of magic, but she can tell anyways. He’ll slump, lower and lower, hold on tighter to his staff. He starts to wilt, in a way. The bags under his eyes and the ribs poking through his clothes have been getting better as he adventures with the Mighty Nein, but they almost… revert back to how they were when the six found him when he’s low on magic. When that happens, Jester will take over- no matter how much magic she’s got left. Now and then, she’ll have to go without healing, but she can take care of her own wounds.

(Nott always checks in on her after she pulls some risky business with her spells like that. There was a time after a particularly rough battle that left them all, especially the magic users, feeling very drained. Jester still had a bunch of cuts and bruises on her- things that would ache for days after unless she could burn some magic on healing them, but in the middle of a cave like this, she didn’t have any magic to spare, not even to send a message to her mother asking for comfort or a lullaby or  _ something _ .

Nott came up to her, put bandages on all her cuts, rubbed her sore arms, and gave kisses to all her bruises. She also braided Jester’s hair before bed and let the girl braid hers as well. Jester felt a lot better after that.)

She notices things about Beau.

_ Physical _ things. The way sweat drips down her brow while training. How her clavicles stand out while she’s lounging in a chair. The way her toned abs almost… reflect the light. How her back muscles flex as she’s changing her chest bandages. Jester sighs as she watches Beau putting her hair up in the morning, doodling a small sketch. Beau’s talking about something to Caleb, which means she’s redoing the knot over and over, giving Jester the time to doodle out at least a stick figure pose that she can refine after. 

(Yasha catches Jester staring that time and gives her a knowing smile. When Jester questions her, she simply replies with a statement about young love and crushes, which causes Jester to open her mouth in protest but- nothing comes out. She looks down and away. No! She likes Fjord. Not Beau. Fjord. Yasha looks concerned, but doesn’t say anything or touch her. After a few minutes she apologizes for assuming, but lets her know that if she does have a crush on Beau, it’s okay, and that she should probably just wait a year or two if she plans to act on it. Jester nods and gives Yasha a small hug, which the strong woman reciprocates.)

**Author's Note:**

> Molly's part: NSFW implications, nothing explicit.  
> Fjord's part: Jester talks about how she was taken advantage of by older men but she didn't realize it was bad until Molly explains things (no in depth dialogue/talking is shown), generally about comphet, and Fjord is an adult that Jester, 16, (thinks she) has a crush on.  
> Yasha's part: N/A  
> Nott's part: Sorrow over a lost childhood, implications of abusive childhoods (Jester and Cad), and implications of abusive family (Cad)  
> Caleb's part: N/A, but it's about sensory overloads, and very small mention of v/miting  
> Beau's part: slight internalized homophobia but also comphet


End file.
